There is nothing wrong.
At least, not directly. And honestly, that is more frustrating than anything.
The weight of the news and sickness and everything else is something that has been ever-increasing. The last month in particular has felt heavy. I’ve felt anxious in a way I don’t normally feel. I’ve been frustrated with myself. I’ve felt alone and angry and helpless and all of the things in a way that I cannot seem to rationalize or write my way out of.
I read Anxious People last week. Or the week before, I don’t remember. The weeks run together sometimes. There is a lot to love about this book, but the humanity of the story has stuck with me. The messy, chaotic beauty that surrounds us and exists everywhere we are.
“It’s always very easy to declare that other people are idiots, but only if you forget how idiotically difficult being human is.”
That quote has rolled around in my head since I read it. We’re quick to judge and accuse and bully even if we don’t actually call it bullying. We’re quick to assume and say things like “there’s no excuse, I would NEVER behave that way.”
But do you know that? It’s arrogant to assume you’ve experienced everything someone else is experiencing. That you’ve felt and handled everything in your whole life with grace and excellence.
It’s okay to be messy. It’s okay to let yourself feel the weight and stumble under it. Pretending that you aren’t impacted by the world around you isn’t strength–it’s a lie. So if everything feels heavy. If people around you feel messy. If you feel messy. You are not alone, because this is all idiotically hard.
And some day, we’re all going to be okay.