When I was younger, I assumed that at some point I would know what I was doing. That when you got to a certain age you just…knew stuff? Now that I’m trying to write it, I’m not even sure what I thought that meant. Maybe adults just understood what they were supposed to do?
The older I’ve gotten, the more I realize how little we actually know. As humans, our scope is narrow and our experience is limited. We are all just figuring things out as we go, and we can only know what we know. A lot of times we don’t know what we don’t know. So much of the adventure is figuring things out.
I’ve found myself in some strange situations lately. Learning on the fly. Feeling completely unqualified and unprepared. Insecurities are real, and it’s so easy to let myself get overwhelmed.
Someone asked a question today: When does putting yourself out there get less mortifying?
It doesn’t. At least, not for me. It is terrifying and uncertain and I’m constantly worried about failing myself, my friends/partners, and my family. It’s funny how we just… do it anyway though, right? Because the only time we ever learn is when we are uncomfortable. When we are mortified and scared and hurt.
We learn. We grow. And we make something bigger than we are.
2 thoughts on “I have no idea what I’m doing”
Allie, this is such a timeless truth. I’ve always said that the older I get, the more I know I don’t know.
After my first child was born, I told my father in law I had no idea what I was doing and I was making it up as I went. His reply was, “How do you think any of us did it, dear?” You’re not alone.